It is common for cycles of conflict to emerge in relationships. These patterns can show up around certain topics like money, sex, or parenting. Or they can be covert by showing up at what feels like unexpected times. If recurring conflict often ends with further emotional injury, underlying emotions and needs are likely not effectively… Read More »Break the Cycle of Conflict
Couples therapy offers a space to build the safety necessary to thrive in one’s relationship. It provides opportunities to name emotions, express needs, and better understand what is happening for each partner during interactions. It is a place to address how, when, and why conflict is occurring. Or perhaps why there are barely any interactions… Read More »What is Couples Therapy?
This question of “How do we fight fair?” is often asked in couples therapy. Below are some common questions and answers about the purpose and frequency of conflict. Ways to approach and resolve conflict that lessens emotional injury and promotes connection are also discussed. Is fighting good for a relationship? Fighting, or conflict, or most… Read More »How to Fight Fair
Rituals of connection are ways you and your partner can turn towards one another to consistently connect. They are reliable ways of building intimacy that range from informal daily interactions like saying goodbye before work to formal holidays and annual celebrations like birthdays. Of course, rituals are not just for partners. They occur within family… Read More »Rituals of Connection
So you have decided to start therapy. The next step is to find a therapist with whom you connect, who understands your experience, and who meets your needs and preferences. Much like a physician, dentist, teacher, or vet, you have the opportunity and the right to choose who you trust your story with. So the… Read More »Find a Therapist for You
What are love languages? Love Languages are five ways in which we give and/or receive love. They were observed and shared by Dr. Gary Chapman and include quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service. Sometimes we receive love in more than one way, or we receive love differently than how… Read More »The Ways We Love
It is not uncommon to become emotionally flooded during conflict with our partner. But without steps to respond to it, it is sadly very common for emotional injuries to occur because of it. Developing a ritual with your partner around flooding can provide a reliable way to navigate these previously uncharted waters. Develop a ritual… Read More »What to do When Flooded
What is flooding? Emotional flooding is a physiological response, often related to conflict. Diffuse Physiological Arousal (DPA) occurs when we become flooded. This means our heart rate may increase to over 100 beats per minute, stress hormones are released and we move into fight, flight, or freeze mode. It is overwhelming to the point where… Read More »Feeling Flooded?
Much like a bid at an auction being an offer for an item, a bid within a relationship is an offer for connection. It is a reach for acknowledgment, reassurance, or validation. For this article, I will focus on partners, however, bids also relate to families, friends, and our communities. What do bids look or… Read More »Bids for Connection
Conflict is inevitable, but with the right tools, we can conquer it and even connect through it. One highly underrated tool that ensures healthy and long-lasting relationships is humor. Humor predicts a higher likelihood of staying together six years after getting married. It also contributes to one’s overall happiness later in the relationship. Not only… Read More »How Humor Helps With Conflict