What is flooding? Emotional flooding is a physiological response, often related to conflict. Diffuse Physiological Arousal (DPA) occurs when we become flooded. This means our heart rate may increase to over 100 beats per minute, stress hormones are released and we move into fight, flight, or freeze mode. It is overwhelming to the point where… Read More »Feeling Flooded?
Much like a bid at an auction being an offer for an item, a bid within a relationship is an offer for connection. It is a reach for acknowledgment, reassurance, or validation. For this article, I will focus on partners, however, bids also relate to families, friends, and our communities. What do bids look or… Read More »Bids for Connection
Perfectionism is a “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” Based on this definition, if it is a refusal, we have a choice in the standards we set for ourselves. How does it develop? Perfectionism can stem from extremely high, often unrealistic expectations for oneself. Expectations are often instilled in us from our caregivers,… Read More »Perfectionism: Finding the In-Between
We cannot move past an argument or even begin to start solving our issues until both or all sides have heard and felt heard by the other(s). It is not uncommon for us to enter into a discussion, argument, or conflict already with our feathers ruffled and ready to persuade the other party that we… Read More »Connecting Through Continual Conflict
Conflict is inevitable, but with the right tools, we can conquer it and even connect through it. One highly underrated tool that ensures healthy and long-lasting relationships is humor. Humor predicts a higher likelihood of staying together six years after getting married. It also contributes to one’s overall happiness later in the relationship. Not only… Read More »How Humor Helps With Conflict
Within our culture, it is often habitual to offer ideas and solutions to presenting problems that our partners and friends bring to us. But despite our best intentions, this approach risks not only maintaining a gap in connection but possibly widening it. We live in a productive, action-oriented, goal-setting society, where efficiency and quick results… Read More »Fixing the Need to “Fix”
What a complex and beautiful question asked of me recently. Upon hearing it, I was startled and silenced by its weight and importance of it. When I hear “cure” I associate this with something wrong that needs to be “removed” or “fixed,” neither of which can take place if the presenting issue is trauma. This… Read More »Can Trauma be Cured?
Recharge the Relationship Did you know that on average, it takes about 6 years for couples to attend couples therapy after initially considering it [1]? Oftentimes, this means it might have been helpful before therapy was even mentioned. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Much like our yearly wellness exams with our primary… Read More »Why Couples Therapy is Underrated
What does it mean to self-regulate? To self-regulate means finding ways to get your body to a comfortable and balanced place. When we self-regulate, we rely on ourselves to create safety in our surroundings and help our bodies feel satisfied. Examples of self-regulation include meeting basic needs such as eating when we are hungry, drinking… Read More »What is Self-Regulation and Why Do It?
The short answer: anytime. It is never too soon, never too late and never not okay to attend therapy. But sometimes it is difficult to figure out when to prioritize the time, energy, and resources for it. For some, perhaps finding a therapist, let alone a good one is daunting or difficult. But it’s not… Read More »When is it time for therapy?